How to Move Through Anxiety and Depression
I recently read an incredible Twitter thread about mental health by Andy Johns, an investor at Unusual Ventures. It's worth reading the whole thread, which you can find here.
In it, he talks about what to do when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. He writes:
The question then becomes: How does one become more present-focused?
Johns does a great job outlining this in his thread. Here are the main points:
Treat the main source of suffering. Out of the big three reasons we suffer (trauma, separation from others, separation from nature), trauma is the main cause. Treatment happens in three parts:
Symptom Control
For acute symptoms like panic attacks or suicidal ideation, medication can be a very helpful starting point. It doesn't address the root cause, but it gets you to a place where deeper forms of recovery can begin to take place.
For less acute symptoms, exercise, high-quality sleep, a healthy diet, stretching, yoga, companionship, time in nature, prayer, and meditation are all helpful.
Awareness
Once you've controlled symptoms (for me, this is when I am at a place where you can take deep breaths and feel a quieting of my mind and body), then you can become more aware of the biology and behaviors that are contributing to your suffering at its root.
Johns says you can foster awareness in many different ways. A few he recommends: Studying medical literature to learn about what's happening to your body and brain; talking to others and discussing shared experiences; doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy; and developing a mediation practice.
Transcendence
The third and final stage is a life-long journey. It is about moving beyond awareness of your history and life circumstances and finding true freedom from suffering. This is the place where much of the magic happens. Johns recommends a few things I haven't tried or done regularly (e.g. a deeper meditation practice and safely administered psychedelics). But he also mentions one thing that has worked wonders for me: developing a mindfulness practice around choosing self-love over self-sabotage.
For the latter, Johns recommends asking yourself this question daily when you're faced with life decisions: "What is the path towards love for myself and love for others?" Whenever you choose the loving path, you move toward transcendence.
He ends with some helpful suggestions about what you can do next:
I'm so moved by the clarity and helpfulness of Andy's thread, and particularly, the tweets I've called particular attention to in this article. In case it's helpful to anyone reading this, I want to expand on these thoughts and share in greater detail what specific things have worked for me. I hope this personal playbook is helpful to anyone who may feel depression, anxiety, or high stress the way I have in the past (and still do today, though these emotional seasons have come in more and more manageable waves over time).
Where I'm coming from
It's hard to pinpoint specific moments of change that took me through these three stages because moving through them happened gradually for me, with the impact of little behaviors and rituals compounding over time. But, I can provide this small example to illustrate how far I've come over the past 12 years:
When I first graduated from college, I was living at home with my mom in the tiny one-bedroom apartment in Queens, NY where I grew up. I was commuting into midtown Manhattan each day to go to my "cool job" as a product manager for brands like Sports Illustrated, People, and National Geographic. I was living the post-college dream—except I wasn't. Wracked with anxiety about my life and how I fit into this brand new world of professional work, I remember waking up late one day in an absolute panic, worried that I'd get fired for showing up late and missing the first 15 minutes of an early meeting.
On that particular morning, I spilled something on my shirt, broke a summer sweat running to catch the train, missed the train, showed up to work even later than I thought, and walked into work in a panicked frenzy. I vividly remember thinking to myself on that painfully long train ride in, "That's it, this day is over. It's going to be a horrible day." It was 8:40 am.
As I write these words, this story brings me right back to that anxiety-filled day and makes me want to hug that younger version of me who felt so fragile, uncertain, and afraid.
Fast forward to today: When I'm feeling "off" (which happens a few times a month normally!), I close my eyes and do some deep breathing. I call a friend to talk it out. I go for a quick walk or hop on my bike to get my heart rate going. I open up a physical notebook to write. I message my therapist. When things are particularly hard, I let myself cry, scream into a pillow, eat a comforting meal, and go to bed as early as I can. I don't stamp my day as "doomed," and even at the end of really hard days, I manage to fall asleep counting all of the things I'm grateful for.
Nowadays, if I'm late, I apologize sincerely, reflect on the circumstances or patterns that made me late, observe my judgmental thoughts, remind myself I am not my thoughts, and bring my full and powerful presence to the meeting.
That is real progress, people!
But the stages aren't linear.
But, this is important to note: Most people don't go through these three stages—symptom control, awareness, and transcendence—in a neat, linear way. I certainly haven't.
Personally, I cycle back through all three of these stages once or twice a year. I usually have one or two weeks in a 365-day period where I'm in spiral mode—like the world is caving in around me. When I'm in this mode, I go right back to symptom control: call my therapist, do deep breathing, scream into a pillow, allow myself to cry, let the emotions move through me with exercise or deep meditation, and go to bed early.
I usually feel at least a little better the next day, but if not, I repeat the process over again until I'm able to pull myself out of spiral mode and there's a bit of stillness. This often takes me 24-48 hours, but once a year or so, I'll find myself in a bigger hole for a week-plus. When this happens, I do my best to be patient with myself and ride the emotional wave. Keeping plans and expectations to a minimum really helps.
When the wave has calmed down, I will gently move into the "Awareness" stage. This looks like reading and listening to empowering content, taking baths or hot showers, calling people I love, journal writing early in the morning, engaging in my spiritual practice, and getting more therapy.
Most days out of the year, I'm ping-ponging between the Awareness and Transcendence stages. I consider myself in "Awareness" mode when I feel like I've got a solid perspective about the origin and perpetuation of my thoughts and feelings. I consider myself in "Transcendence" mode when I feel swells of love, grace, forgiveness, and joy about my past and my future. Transcendence feels to me like a deep inner calm and wellbeing, a trust in the greater order of things, and a "light" energy of gratitude and possibility.
Here's how I think of my cyclical relationship through these stages: Transcendence is always patiently waiting for me, but sometimes I have to cycle back through Symptom Control and Awareness to dig in deeper and closer to the root of things. Only then can I come back to Transcendence from a more whole, trusting, and sustainable vibration (we'll save energetic vibrations for another day!).
My Mental Health Playbook
One of the most helpful parts of Andy's Tweet thread is his bulleted list of specific things you can do to care for your mental health. I'd like to share in a bit more detail what has worked well for me—treat this as a buffet menu. Try out and iterate on anything that resonates with you.
The very first thing I do when I feel anxiety, depression, or stress coming on in is laying down on my back and do deep breathing patterns. I find the Wim Hof breathing technique particularly helpful. It calms my central nervous system instantly. Box breathing is a great option, too.
Breathwork is even better if you can pair it with hot and cold therapy. I use cold therapy via 1-2 minute freezing cold showers if I am doing breathwork earlier in the day. I use hot therapy via a super warm shower or sauna (when I have access to one in non-pandemic times) if I'm doing breathwork at the end of my day. I rarely take baths, but if that's your cup of tea, knock yourself out! Just hold off for a while if you feel light-headed.
Breath Work Resources:
This is a great 40-minute documentary about the Wim Hof method that will leave you in awe.
Here is an 11-minute Wim Hof breathing meditation for beginners. Doing this patterned breathing instantly changes my physiological state and pulls me out of "panic mode."
In my experience, Wim Hof breathing is very effective but requires about 10-15 minutes, and can leave you feeling a bit light-headed and cold. You should never do this breathwork while standing up, operating machinery, or driving a car. Do it when you're laying down and start with just one sequence if you are a beginner. Build up to 3+ sequences over time.
This six-minute box breathing exercise is helpful if you want something lighter to start with.
As soon as I can, I cut the following out of my diet: sugar, processed/fast foods, gluten, dairy, and alcohol. If you take out one thing, let it be sugar. This is not an immediate fix, but give it 10-15 days. Your brain fog will lift and you will feel like a new person.
Everybody works differently, so there is no one universal answer for what will work best for you. But, it doesn't really matter because the basic rules apply to us all:
Added sugar is awful for you.
Processed and genetically modified foods are also awful for you.
Repeated substance use is a short-term bandaid with long-term negative effects.
Mixing together one-ingredient items for the majority of your meals is ideal.
Drink some damn water. A lot of it.
The two methodologies that resonate most with my body are Whole 30 and Body Love's Fab Four. They both promote clean eating approaches that are more flexible and sustainable. If you're in a bind and need quick meal ideas, here are my go-to ones:
Smoothie: I use Elmhurst nut milk (just almonds and water), Truvani protein powder (I've searched high and low and this is the cleanest stuff available), ground flaxseeds (so those gnarly things don't get stuck in my teeth!), 5 ice cubes, a handful of frozen spinach (you can use fresh spinach, too), walnut butter or Be Well seed butter, and 5-7 frozen strawberries. You can find a bunch of other great clean smoothie recipes here. Whatever you do, just make sure there is no added sugar or fake sweeteners in any of your ingredients.
Brunch/Lunch: I keep it simple—two eggs any way I'm in the mood to have them, half an avocado, some arugula, and a drizzle of Yellowbird hot sauce. Any of these are great, but make sure to get the product line with no added cane sugar in it (there are two different versions of each on the market). If I need something more substantial, I will add in roasted sweet potato slices.
Lunch/Dinner:
Option 1 - Lots of leafy greens with shredded rotisserie chicken or grilled chicken breasts. I top with any veggies I want but stay away from corn and anything with a ton of starch or natural sugar.
Option 2 - If I'm craving "comfort food," I will make a taco skillet (ground chicken, peppers, onions, mushrooms, and hashed browns) or creamy Tuscan chicken, Whole 30 style.
Vegetarians: I regularly take animal product sabbaticals, so if you're vegetarian or vegan, I feel you. You can sub any of the animal products above with beans or lentils. Limit tofu and imitation meat as much as possible.
Important Note: I know changing one's eating patterns can be very difficult, especially for those who struggle with eating disorders or disordered patterns of eating. If you are one of those people, please do not listen to anything in this section of my personal mental health playbook. Get professional support from a licensed doctor immediately—do not feel ashamed or scared; there are many resources available to help you.
Start with your primary care provider, who can refer you to a great specialist. If you don't have access to health care, an organization called NEDA has a helpful list of free and low-cost support options to get you started.
I get moving, ideally outdoors. Quick or long walks really help, even in a concrete jungle. Sometimes I hop on my bike for 15-20 minutes to break a sweat. Nothing too intense, just something to shift my physiology.
Some free-to-cheap options:
WALK. If the weather permits and you live in an area where it's safe to be outside, go for a long walk. I do a 3.5-mile loop from my house in Chicago, or if I need a change of scenery, I'll drive to the lakefront and walk along the path. Treat yourself to a coffee or tea, listen to a great podcast, and/or call a friend. It's also rejuvenating to leave your phone at home and wander without distraction. If you can't get outside for long, even a 15-minute stroll can boost your mood.
LIGHT MOVEMENT. If you enjoy yoga, here is a wonderful 30-day yoga program you can do for free: Breath - Yoga with Adriene. If you can afford it (even if you don't have their bike or treadmill), the Peloton app offers great guided stretching, yoga, and walking classes for about $15/month.
MEDIUM MOVEMENT. If you want to step up the intensity, I recommend the guided runs or strength classes on the Peloton app, Alexia Clark's at-home workouts (they are tough!) which runs about $30/month, or Nike Training Club for $15/month. This is by no means an exclusive list, but these are my favorite if you need a qualified starting point.
Without a doubt, my joyful hobby is golf. It’s weird for me to even call it a hobby because it means so much more to me. Golf is healing for me. Being outdoors and moving my body simultaneously centers me and wakes me up. It allows me to be as close to nature as I can in a big city, aside from a handful of parks. It brings out the athlete in me and awakens my internal drive to push through obstacles. More than anything, for the sake of mental health, it allows me to step away from my phone and focus on the present moment—nothing else.
Golf is an enormous financial and time luxury, and I don't take that for granted. If you have a limited budget or different interests, there are so many amazing options. A few to try: hiking, trail walks/runs, basketball on an outdoor court, tennis if you have a partner (it's fairly easy to find cheap or free public courts), or even a driving range if you do love golf but are limited on money and time.
The main point: Find your version of my golf. It's great if it allows you some time in nature and some movement, but therapeutic activities like making art or playing music are wonderful, too. Do it in the company of others when you can. It helps to not be totally alone (even for introverts).
I am not the best at getting lots of sleep, but the exception is when I'm in stress mode. I double down hard and sleep for as long as I can with no alarm. It takes me a while to wind down, so I start my evening routine 90 minutes before I want to actually be asleep. Do whatever works for you—unwind even sooner if it takes you a while to power down.
Sleep Resources & Routines:
Don't set my alarm if I don't have to
Set my alarm to a song that makes me feel good when I do need one
Avoid alcohol—it really does mess with your sleep
Put essential oils in a diffuser next to my bed
Wear an eye mask to promote deeper sleep—especially if you are light-sensitive
Use a sleep meditation to help you doze off gently. I use the ones on Calm app.
Read Matthew Walker's Why We Sleep. He also has a Masterclass I've heard is good, though I haven't watched it myself. Heads up: This book has been criticized by some researchers, but I still found it to be an informative read.
Internal Time and The Power of When are also thought-provoking reads.
I don't routinely use sleep apps or hardware anymore (they seemed to give me more anxiety, but maybe I'll use them again one day). That said, here are products and apps that I've either tried and loved or that have come highly recommended by my friends:
APPS: Rise Science, Breethe, and Aura
PHYSICAL PRODUCTS: Eight Sleep, Gravity Blankets, and a diffuser (I use this one purely for aesthetics, but it also works great)
Here are the three most common exercises I do to help me get some separation between myself and my thoughts/feelings:
1) I write a letter to my now self from my older, wiser self.
I am always surprised by how much wisdom pours out of me. Doing this exercise serves as a reminder that, most of the time, the answers live within. It reminds me that perhaps moving through and beyond depression, anxiety, and high stress is less about changing ourselves or adding things into our lives, and more about shedding behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve us. Start with specific prompts for guidance in certain areas of your life. Here's an example:
Dear older me...
I am really struggling with the loss of a job/ relationship/ opportunity right now. What is the empowering way you are viewing this from the future?
What is the most hopeful and helpful perspective you'd want me to take right now so I can use this experience for learning and growth?
How might this disappointment, heartache, or setback actually be leading me to people, places, and situations that are more aligned and expansive for me?
Then, allow yourself to write down responses from the vantage point of your older, wiser self. Trust what emerges. Let the words flow on the page. Await to be surprised by the wisdom that pours out of you. Let it calm you and center you.
2) I imagine my emotions as "little Melissas" and let them speak to me. You can do this exercise through meditation format or journal writing.
I quite literally imagine little five-year-old Melissas running around in a big field with all of their "personalities" (aka emotions). I will ask who most needs to be heard or wants a hug from me (big, present-day Melissa). Inevitably, a little Melissa will raise her hand in my meditation. Sometimes, it's "Fearful Little Mel" or "Anxious Little Mel." Other times, it's "Excited Little Mel" or "Waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop Little Mel."
Whoever speaks up, I listen and absorb fully what my emotions are trying to share with me. I end by reminding the Little Mels that they are safe, seen, and loved. I give them each a hug, and address their fears in detail from my current vantage point of wanting to take good care of these pure emotions within me.
My friend Amber Rae's work is a great help when it comes to listening and making friends with one's emotions. I highly recommend her book, Wonder Over Worry, as well as her powerful Wonder Journal and Daily Notepad.
(3) I ask myself: "What is heavy that needs to be made light? What levers can I push in my life that I have control over to lighten the load?"
I usually use this prompt whenever I'm feeling heavy, and like to answer it while doing morning pages (a la Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way). Here's a great explanation of the morning pages practice by Chris Winfield.
There are many different therapy styles, but what works best for me is a spiritually minded coach who can communicate in terms of God, energy, and tangible reality. Our sessions vary in structure, but ultimately, my therapist meets me where I am on any given day, helps me pull out from the weeds, and grounds me in the present moment.
In general, it can be hard to know where to begin with finding a great therapist—I've certainly felt that way. I found this NPR article and accompanying 20-minute podcast to be a helpful starting point for answering the question, "How do I even begin the search?" This is another good read that details out how to get therapy support in your budget range.
If you're looking for affordable therapy, here's a great master list by state (U.S. only). Three other online therapy platforms to look into: Talkspace, BetterHelp, and Brightside. Another good option: Open Path Collective offers both in-office and online therapy sessions for $30-$60—they charge on a sliding scale based on your ability to pay.
I feed myself with empowering content. You'd be surprised by the difference a good book, YouTube video, or podcast can be in elevating your mood and helping you rewire your cognitive patterns. It is commonplace for people to say, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." In general, I agree—you are influenced deeply by the company you keep.
But the company you keep doesn't have to be real-life, close relationships. The company you keep is also: the people and accounts you follow on social media, the books you read, the articles and news you consume, the podcasts you listen to, and the things you watch. One way to elevate your mood immediately, but also change how you think and feel over time, is to fill yourself with empowering inputs multiple times a day. Here are a few of the things I do:
I listen to inspiring podcasts in the shower, in the car, and while I'm cleaning
I watch documentaries and mood-elevating YouTube videos while I'm cooking, meal prepping, or relaxing over the weekend
I read physical books right before bed with a blue-light filtered reading light
I carve out time on Sundays to go through my "reading list" of inspiring and thought-provoking articles and newsletters I save throughout the week
This is one of the things that has helped me most, and it's a lifelong journey:
Actively look for and fill yourself up with nourishing content.
I could write a tomb about this alone, but to get you started, I'm going to focus just on books. Here are the ones that have greatly contributed to me developing a positive inner world (all of these are Amazon links for ease, but please do buy books from local bookstores whenever you can—there are many online shops, too):
If you are stuck in "spiral" mode, with thoughts that keep circulating back to past regret and future fear, I highly recommend these reads:
When you need something light and uplifting:
When you have the capacity for setting new goals and planning next steps on your journey:
When you are feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of limited time and lots of inputs:
When you are working through trauma:
Adult Children of Alcoholics - a great read about trauma and suffering in general, not just alcoholism
When you're having a difficult time at work:
When you want to move out of "scarcity" and into "abundance" mindset:
When you are struggling with communication and vulnerability:
When you feel heartbroken:
When you feel like you need a book that feels like a warm hug (these cover so many beautiful topics):
When you're ready to improve the quality of your thinking:
When you're looking for guided journals, workbooks, and guides to help you process:
BONUS: I love this checklist for getting through tough emotions by Patricia Mou. Patricia is one of my favorite Tweeters of 2021 so far. Her feed is packed with so much good stuff, and her newsletter is like fresh-squeezed orange juice on a Sunday morning—really good for your body, mind, and spirit. Patricia actually retweeted Andy Johns's tweet thread, which inspired me to write this playbook—so her Twitter page was "Mile 0" for this piece you're reading now (thank you, Patricia!).
I regularly call people I love and trust, but especially when I'm in an emotional hole. I tell them what's coming up for me. I ask them to hold the space for me while I cry. I ask for a fresh perspective to pull me out of my thinking spirals. I let myself be loved by them.
Here is what I do when I'm in "inner crisis" mode–when something really challenging happens and I need more support than normal:
I hit the pause button on my day. Of course, this isn't always possible to do entirely. If I have any urgent meetings or deadlines, I do my best to compartmentalize and attend to them quickly. But, almost always, my meetings and to-dos aren't super urgent. On the infrequent occasions when something really big comes up, I give myself the grace of hitting "pause" on the day and I opt not to feel bad about it.
Call my go-to people right away. There are currently four people on this list. These are the people in my innermost circle who I know will hold space for me at my messiest. I typically go into these calls with an acknowledgment up front that something is really not right, and a request for space to be held while I share. If they have the capacity, I ask for words of wisdom and grounding to help me get calm...even if it's just a reminder to take deep breaths. This small group is my lifeline. Find your innermost group. Ask if you can lean on them for support in the future. You'd be surprised how much having just one or two people who will pick up your call quickly can be a saving grace.
Send my therapist a voice message. I'm grateful to have a therapist that I can send voice messages to, and who will respond within the day. Typically, I will briefly explain what is happening, and my therapist will respond with a 10-15 minute message that almost always calms me down and helps me gain perspective. I will take any suggestions or journal prompts and take action on them right away. Having this as a support lever is incredibly helpful.
I avoid any interactions that might not go well while I'm in this mode. No important work calls, no trying to have big conversations while I'm still processing my thoughts and feelings, no interactions that might send me further down what I like to call "the spiral." I don't even make or take customer service calls—if I don't feel I can be completely present and grounded in a conversation, I opt not to have it. This is one of the most important rules I have for myself: Do whatever I can to pause all interactions and create space for complete solitude outside of calling my go-to people and reaching out to my therapist. My future self always thanks me for it. Yours will, too.
On a regular basis, sharing my life with people I love, processing out loud, and building community has significantly improved the quality of my life over the past decade. I'm convinced that my intentionality around staying connected has proactively made bouts of depression and anxiety less intense over time.
Here is what I do on a regular basis to make sure I'm staying connected.
I set aside two evenings a week for "Cooking & Calling." During these evenings, I will make a healthy meal for myself while randomly calling friends and family. If I call and the person doesn't pick up, I'll write a text to let them know I'm thinking of them and if they get back to me that evening and I don't answer, I'm probably on the phone with another friend and will call them back as soon as I can. I also encourage them to leave me a voice memo to let me know how they are doing, and what their highs/lows are for the week. Doing this allows me to create a little bit of virtual space for them to be heard, and gives me a good jumping in point when I can eventually get back to them with a message or call.
I do lunch break "Walk & Talks." Not too long ago, the combination of it being freezing where I live (Chicago) and allowing myself to get swept up in work led to a 10-day period where I spent a grand total of 20 minutes outside. That averages out to TWO MINUTES OF OUTDOOR TIME A DAY. This is not okay, and both my mental and physical health suffered because of it. I decided to put a guardrail in place right away so that doesn't happen again. The result: mid-day "walk and talks." I tend to work in big blocks of time, so on weekdays, I put a 90-minute block right in the middle of my day to break up my two big work chunks. This serves two purposes: (1) It keeps a bunch of my meetings and calls contained with the clear expectation I won't be sitting by a computer, and (2) It gets me outside and moving. I get 10,000+ steps in when I walk during this block. If the weather is crazy, I hop on my bike for 45-60 minutes and move lightly while I'm on calls.
Saturdays are my "free spirit" days. It's my one day a week where I do not plan anything (by the way, planning my other days of the week makes me feel freer, not stifled—but I like the optionality of having a day each week for true serendipity and self-care). I fill my Saturdays with whatever I'm needing most—it might be rest, a long walk, a home project, or patio drinks with friends. Since I keep this time pretty open, I'm always thinking about how I can connect with people in my life in more meaningful ways. Things I've done over the past year: Invite friends out for holiday walks, patio drinks, digital work sessions, impromptu park picnics, and rounds of golf.
This is one of the most helpful things I do when I'm moving from symptom control to awareness: I write down an intentional week-long plan. I have a regular practice of doing weekly reviews every weekend, but when I'm experiencing a wave of stress, anxiety, or depression, I turn up the intentionality dial. Here is exactly what I do:
Plan through the end of the week I am in. Once I've grounded myself a bit and get to a place where I can think a bit more clearly, I create an intentional plan. If things are happening on, say, a Wednesday, I come up with a plan through Sunday (the day I consider the end of my week). I will then reset with a fresh plan on Sunday for the next 7 days. For the remainder of the week, I move, cancel, or rearrange any calls, meetings, due dates, or other plans that are not highly urgent or immovable.
Schedule connection with people. It's easy to want to isolate when things get hard, but in my experience, this is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Socially isolating is like putting a plant that needs sunlight in a dark room. Even if this makes you a bit uncomfortable, just the act of getting on the phone and listening to others can be helpful and make you feel less alone. I aim to talk to at least one person a day. I work from home running my own business, so this is especially important for me.
Schedule a therapy or coaching session. In my early adult life, I did not get regular therapy or coaching support. I often wonder what the past 10 years would've looked like had I gotten formal support sooner. I hope to invest even more into this in the future to get tailored support for different areas of my life—like business and relationships.
Make a heavy —> light list. As I noted above, I regularly ask myself, "What is heavy that needs to be made light?" I will brainstorm a list of things in my journal, then highlight the 5-7 things that are most important for me to focus on in the week ahead. I pick ONE thing as my main priority each day and don't try to take on more than that.
Examples:
Update my resume/LinkedIn profile
Review and refresh my budget
Process all email and notes into my main to-do list
Reach out to ten people in my network to let them know I am looking for new clients or work opportunities
Clean and tidy my home
Take time to do a monthly review and plan
Do an in-depth fear-setting session (a la the imitable Tim Ferriss)
Self-care daily. Taking good care of myself gets elevated as a priority. There is always time in the day for at least 15 minutes of care for oneself. If you are reading this and feel like you don't have time for daily self-care, please look at the Screen Time section on your phone (iPhone people) and see how much time you spend on it each day. Trust me, you have time—you just have to decide your wellbeing is worth making a priority in your own life.
The ways I add extra doses of self-care into my schedule:
I take time cooking myself a healthy meal
I spend the first hour of the day journaling and reading
I go to bed early and don't set an alarm
I hop on my bike or do a quick set of exercises in the middle of the day
I take a long drive with no particular destination and blast music
I go for a long city walk or, if I can, a nature walk/hike
I actually take my lunch break to write or read
I get a massage (this is a rare treat, but I savor it when I do it)
I give myself an at-home spa manicure and pedicure
I take all of the social media apps off my phone for at least a day
I write handwritten notes for others (focusing outward is one of the kindest things I can do for myself given how much it lifts my own spirits)
I take a bath (one of the few times I'm actually in total solitude)
I play a round of golf (weather permitting) or practice indoors
There it is—my playbook for how I move through seasons of depression, anxiety, and high stress. I hope something in here inspires your own playbook. Most importantly, I hope it makes you feel less alone in your struggles and provides you with plenty of specific, practical things you can do right now to move through some of the hardest stuff in your inner world.
As Andy Johns says in his tweet thread, "Thinking in the past is depression. Thinking in the future is anxiety. And thinking in the present is peace." This sentiment is so bittersweet because it is piercingly true—and because we are wired as humans to think about the past and the future.
We can all strive to live more in the present moment, but we also don't have to be afraid of our past and future thoughts. The playbook I've outlined in this article has helped me develop a better relationship with the past- and future-focused parts of me. It has helped me transform the essence of my "past thinking" from depression to gratitude and the essence of my "future thinking" from anxiety to hopefulness.
Creating your playbook and putting it into action regularly will do the same for you.